What I can tell you without exception is that the divorce of my parents will reverberate through generations to come in my family. I never had the opportunity to say "momma and daddy...." in the same sentence and it have a positive connotation. Maybe my father was a sorry SOB. Maybe my mother was crazy and impossible to live with. I have no idea and at 37 I don't care to know anymore than I already know. My father passed away almost 12 years ago. What happened 35 years ago at 8th and Lindberg in our tiny southern town is done and gone.
What is present is how I raise my children, relate to my wife, and what effect I will ultimately have on how my kids turn out. Everything that happened back in that house when I was an infant is front and present. My dad remarried and my needs to live were met. I cant really say, looking back, that I got much else. Sure, I received compassion that one human would have for another in a crisis but I didnt have a loving mother. Do I want to rob a bank or commit horrible crimes? Nope. Do i carry a chip on my shoulder for everyone I come in contact with? I dont think so. I do have to deal with it though.
You cant escape who you are. I am who I am. I can overcome it but it will always be in me. It will be an influence on my children. My kids do not have grandparents. My wife and I are all they have to interact with on a daily basis. The following was written to my step mother recently in response to her repeated accusation that My brother and sister in law were responsible for me not seeking her out.
